They’re Here, They’re Totally Queer & They’ve Slept With Girls: Straight Talk About Gay Male-Female Hook-Ups
"It only happened once." "I just needed to get some." "I was drunk, so it doesn’t count."
Sound familiar? Most likely, if you’ve ever heard a straight man robustly defend his heterosexuality, even while copping to the "one time" he indulged in same-sex sex. (Some lucky college roommate, we bet.) Quite possibly, the admission made you hopeful that a recessive gay gene lurked in the heart of a lust-worthy stud; or maybe it caused you to brand Mr. So-Called-Straight as a closet case. But before reading too much subtext into such a confession, remember: when it comes to experimentation, we’re equal opportunity offenders.
Plenty of gay guys have dabbled in an opposite-sex hookup, and not just during the early, adolescent years spent dating cheerleaders in order to more effectively ogle the football team. We’re talking about grown men who are totally comfortable in their (homo) sexuality, yet have still found themselves getting it on with a girl. What are their reasons? We found that like the straight guys, the reasons are varied: they might have had an extra drink, been looking to indulge some curiosity, or just needed some overdue release. But a consistent conclusion was that, as with the straights, gay guys don’t think these anomalous amorous encounters should require them to suddenly redefine their sexuality.
Just ask Sammy. The Palm Beach thirty-something is a self-described "proud homo" -- even though he’s shared the wealth of his family jewels, having sex with handful of women over the years. They’ve been impromptu affairs. "It could be something as simple as my dick being hard," says Sammy. "And she just happens to have an orifice in which I may stick it." He’s done it for pure fun, once taking a girl home from a gay bar. (Sounds like a hag fantasy come true!)
It’s erupted out of drunken emotion, as with a fellow mourner he (ahem!) commiserated with after a funeral. (His biggest regret: not that she was a girl, but that she was "pretty fat.") And sheer hormones can get the best of him, as with the boss he slept with first on a business trip and subsequently because -- well, "She was the ultimate sex partner," says Sammy. Yes, this gay guy admits some of his best sex was actually with a woman. Why? "I think it’s because there were no expectations," he explains. In other words, once the specter of a relationship is removed from the get-go (all these women knew he was gay), so too is the daunting prospect of a morning-after phone call.
Being gay can make one-night stand closure come a lot easier, agrees Zach, a twenty-something Bostonian. His one time with a girl happened under the most cliché circumstances: while on vacation. He met a fellow vacationer in Mexico that shared his affection for hitting the dance clubs (and more importantly, tequila!) hard. "It was the only time I led a girl on," says Zach. "I wouldn’t have done anything with her if I hadn’t been drinking," he adds, echoing the defense of some straight friends we’ve known. But between the alcohol and the attention, what started as late-night skinny-dipping escapades eventually turned more passionate.
Thankfully when the vacation was over, so was their limited-time commitment: he told her he was gay, and even though "she was disappointed, she was happy I wasn’t rejecting her because I was a straight guy who just wasn’t interested." What happened in Puerto Vallarta stayed in Puerto Vallarta; and the fleeting affair even served a functional purpose. Zach wasn’t out to his family at the time, and his encounters were a convincing red herring. "My mother knew I was going off with her at night," he laughs. "And she kept leaving condoms on my bed so I’d be careful!"
Taking One for the Other Team
Ah, but there are other motivations to using sexuality as a decoy. When it comes to his only adult tryst with a woman, Ryan, a twenty-something gay Bostonian, went along for the ride so that he could help his straight buddy get laid. (Think of it as "taking one for the other team.") While on vacation (naturally!) in Martha’s Vineyard, he and his pals wound up sharing drinks with some European babes. Ryan was "too busy checking out the guys at the bar" to notice that an Italian girl was making eyes at him; but his friend, who wanted to get it on with her hot Swedish friend, was hoping Ryan would play the proper "wingman" role.
So Ryan hospitably entertained the prima donna’s advances: all the way down to the beach, in fact, where the dirty deeds went down. "I went through the motions, but felt absolutely nothing inside," he says. But the ploy worked: left with the sexy Swede, Ryan’s straight friend got lucky. "He was grateful," chuckles Ryan. And he kept his gay pal’s straight little secret. "We kept that night between ourselves. I wasn’t about to go brag to the gays about the foreign chick I just fooled around with!"
There was one person Ryan felt obliged to tell: his then-boyfriend. Although it wasn’t well received at first, a little "clever salesmanship" eventually convinced Ryan’s boyfriend that "since it was a girl, it was just a funny story." In fact, though some gay guys evaluate any straight guy’s experimentation as indicative of being closeted, it seems we’re more forgiving when members of our own flock go temporarily astray. Sliding a bit on the Kinsey Scale doesn’t give cause to request a rainbow card be revoked, even when you’re a repeat offender.
"I don’t really have any gay friends who scoff at the idea of being with a girl," sums up Sammy. "That just seems childish to me. After all, while I was out getting laid, they were home having date night with Astroglide and X-Tube."
And there you have it. Whatever the differences between gay and straight men, there’s one unifying factor that explains why, when their sexual preference isn’t available, most guys will let the spirit (and the spirits) move them toward whatever release is available.
"I have a dick," concludes Sammy. "It’s a nice one. And I’ll use it. Period."
This article is part of our "Sex." series. Want to read more?
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