Miss LEZ rocks New York
New York’s most raucous lesbian event, the 9th Annual Miss LEZ Pageant, rocked The Knitting Factory in Williamsburg on the evening of October 11. Host Murray Hill ushered the five contestants through categories of swimsuit, platform, evening gown, talent, and interview, with celebrity judges awarding the crown to Miss Butch Mamas, KS Stevens.
"I am so honored and elated to be crowned Miss LEZ 2009 on the platform of doing my part to add more diversity within the mainstream and gay media," said Stevens, a playwright. "My favorite parts of the show were bonding with the contestants and crew of Murray’s incredible production, and seeing so many beautiful audience members smiling back while on stage. It is a time in my life I shall never forget and will make me stronger as a member of our gorgeous community."
Bribing the judges
Competing against Stevens were four beautiful and talented contestants: Miss That’s My Jam, Sir Becca; Miss Choice Cunts, Sarah Jenny, Miss Re/Dress, and newly converted lesbian, Miss This is Burlesque, the lovely Helen Pontani. Although all contestants gave their best showing, several rose above the rest in certain categories.
Plus-sized Miss Re/Dress ran on a platform of "no bacon left behind," and although her talent consisted largely of bribing the judges with red velvet cupcakes, many were surprised to discover that she did not make the top choices, coming in as second runner-up. The crowd embraced her porcine accessories, strong sense of humor, and high self-esteem and poise.
In addition, Helen Pontani put in an especially strong showing, looking stunning in her svelte military-style swimsuit, and bringing Hollywood glamour to her talented tap-dancing striptease to "Putting on the Ritz." Odds were on her to take the crown, until she stumbled over a difficult question about ghosts from judge Emily Rems of Bust Magazine.
Judge Michael Musto comments
Stevens, however, proved a strong showing throughout the competition, answering GO NYC publisher Amy Lesser’s tricky interview question with aplomb, the question being, "If you were stranded on a desert isle, who would you have sex with: Sarah Palin, Octomom, or Village Voice columnist Michael Musto?" Naturally, this handsome butch chose Musto.
She cemented her win in the talent portion of the competition, doing an elaborately choreographed dance to the song "Kung Fu Fighting" that ended up with her and her partner onstage wearing only tighty-whities and glittery pasties. Judges clearly responded to the ease with which Stevens negotiated every portion of the pageant.
"My top contestant was Miss Butch Mamas for her performance ease, kung fu talent, and natural hotness," said Musto, a longtime judge at this pageant. "But I didn’t give her extra points for saying she’d have sex with me any more than Miss Re/Dress got a higher ranking for plying us with cupcakes. I tried to be totally objective! To be truthful, all the contestants were amazing and the favorite moments were plentiful--from the old-school tap dance of Miss This is Burlesque to the inspired nouveau insanity of Miss That’s My Jam. And the bacon! Yum!"
Judge Linda Simpson echoed these sentiments, saying, "My favorite moment was Miss Butch Mama showing off her martial arts expertise to the classic disco song ’Kung Fu Fighting.’ Who could resist her enthusiasm? Also, I think the fact that she was the only contestant to bare her breasts helped sway the judges in her favor!"
The evening was complete with moments both lewd and memorable, from opening act Switch ’N Play’s bobbling strap-on dance to the song "Macho Man" to Miss Congeniality winner Sarah Jenny’s quite literal pussy whipping of her latex-clad submissive during her S/M talent portion. At the end, however, Miss Butch Mamas took the plastic dollar-store crown, with Miss This is Burlesque Helen Pontani as first runner-up. Judges averred that this year was one of the best pageants to date.
"All in all, I was so impressed by the contestants’ poise," said Simpson, who has judged the pageant for eight out of nine years. "They were all so comfortable on stage and so good-natured about the event. I love the sense of camaraderie among the contestants and the audience. It’s such a life-affirming affair!"
Newcomer judge Kate McKinnon of The Big Gay Sketch Show also shared her feelings upon the importance of these types of events in raising lesbian visibility, saying that although her favorite performer was Miss This is Burlesque, her favorite moment of the show was Miss Butch Mamas’ victory.
"Where else is a real butch gal gonna win a beauty pageant?" asked McKinnon. "It’s important for our community to have events like this because I’ve been gay for a decade, and I learned so many new things last night."
Check out the photos of the Miss LEZ event at this photo album.
