Inside the Closet, or the Fine Art of Denial
What do Barney Frank, Elton John and Ellen DeGeneres have in common with Larry Craig, Clay Aiken and Ricky Martin? Well, for one, they’re all obviously gay. Each and every one of them. Gay, gay, gay.
But while the first three came out after years of whispers, the others responded to mounting evidence by burying themselves deep into the sands of denial. Unfortunately, the cozy little burrow they hoped would shield them from further public scrutiny was already occupied by Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Oprah -- and they weren’t budging!
Coming out of the closet used to mean career death for politicians and celebrities. But as times slowly change, those bold enough to declare their true sexual orientation have about the same chance of seeing their lives destroyed as they do of getting an image award from GLAAD.
What does it say, then, about those who continue to entrench themselves in denial? Is this indicative of a certain damaged personality type? And what makes them think they can get away with it? Don’t they realize that America expects the truth about their tawdry sex lives in exchange for our support at the ballot box or the box office?
From the inquisitive public to their evasive targets, everyone involved has an over inflated sense of entitlement. There’s a term for that, you know (especially when it refers to someone else). It’s called narcissism.
Narcissism: The Catnip in the Closet
"Each of us is narcissistic to some degree." says Albert Clayton Gaulden, an astro-intuitive and transpersonal psychologist and founding director of the Sedona Intensive.
We all choose actions that are in our own best interest. But there’s a certain point where self-preservation stops being pragmatic and starts becoming evil. For Gaulden, that tipping point happens around the time "when one begins to shut out the rest of the world and becomes the center of his own universe." With that in mind, he offers this generally true generalization: "All politicians, actors or celebrities have clinical narcissism -- it goes with the territory. Clinical narcissism means one is incapable of being honest with himself. He’s pathologically selfish and self centered."
That’s probably why politicians and celebrities are drawn to the spotlight; not just for the power, but for the constant adulation that comes with it. Gaulden says these attention-getting professions feed those who "are dependent upon the goodwill of others. They survive on the applause, almost like a vampire."
It’s so cliché that it must be true. Just as celebs and politicos are drawn to their professions for the ego boost, they’re also trying in vain to win approval never given to them as children. Gaulden: "From my case studies, closeted men in the public eye more often than not have had a very difficult relationship with their fathers and other men in puberty and adolescence. Their mothers coddled and effeminized them and at the same time reinforced the notion that they must never show their desire to be with a man sexually."
So when a matinee idol or a politician finally reaches the top by catering to a market that demands the opposite of their true selves, there are only two choices: own up, or fight for the status quo. The longer the veil of secrecy has been in place, the more to be lost when it’s lifted. If Ricky Martin or Clay Aiken’s swooning female fans began to ask the hard questions about their involvement with sperm donation and surrogate mothers, their marquee value as objects of heterosexual desire would take a nosedive.
Thankfully, there’s an army of showbiz bottom feeders to perform homo damage control. Gaulden: "Most of these public figures have seasoned publicists and spin doctors to diminish the ill affects of homosexual innuendo. They feel they can get away with it; and this attitude of ’because I can’ is a narcissist’s sense of entitlement."
Tina B. Tessina, PhD (her website) is a psychotherapist and author of author of the book "Gay Relationships." She identifies denial as a logical consequence of the narcissist’s sense of entitlement: "Someone who decides to dig in deeper with secrecy once their cover’s been blown is acting from that sense of invulnerability." Years of successfully dodging close calls, she says, leads to a mental process that keeps the person thinking "that if you just hang tight, you’ll get away with it."
Gaulden notes that "When a politician or celebrity is suspected of being a homosexual, he goes to any lengths to distance himself from the allegation; because narcissists are incapable of seeing themselves as they really are. Some therapists refer to this as the ’Jekyll and Hyde syndrome.’ Both parts are legitimate and real; but only one, the heterosexual pure male persona, is the one that the narcissist can allow the world to know."
But even the best spin and evasive techniques can’t last forever. Sometimes, in the face of overwhelming proof, "They are forced to confess." observes Tessina. "It’s worse, of course, if they’ve been lying or if they’re in a paradoxical situation -- such as a politician who’s gay and speaks out against same-sex marriage. The enormity of the consequences often keeps them straddling the fence as long as possible."
There’s one more Hollywood option for closet cases who opt not to come out. They can get religion -- a religion so freaky and extreme it that it wraps their sexual orientation in a cloak of comparative invisibility. That brings to mind a certain couch-jumping, psychology-bashing, Top Gun known as Tom Cruise.
"Tom Cruise is in a somewhat different category, because now you have to figure in Scientology." That’s the assessment of Larry Gross, professor and director of the USC School of Communications. The author of "Contested Closets: The Politics and Ethics of Outing," Gross says "There are many who have speculated that the Church of Scientology offers celebrities a particular kind of closet. There are numerous celebrity Scientologists whose sexuality has been the subject of speculation." The religion, well known for its aggressive recruitment of celebrities, "seems to attract people about whom these rumors have been swirling." asserts Gross. Such as? "John Travolta, who certainly was gay at one point; Kirstie Alley, Jada Pinket Smith and possibly Will Smith."
Tom Cruise, who ruined his box office status with endless Scientology-inspired tirades, should really consider coming out. It could be his last best hope for a career renaissance and a return to cultural relevance. Don’t bet on it, however. That’s the sage counsel from Gaulden -- who indicates that even if Cruise is a little lavender, he’s still a walking advertisement for creepy confidence. Gaulden: "Tom Cruise smiles that real shit eating grin. That’s what a narcissist does. He has an automatic thing like a smile to the world that is watching." Cruise may enjoy being fed by the red carpet treatment that celebrity and Scientology both provide. But "When they turn off the camera and he steps in his house, that other side of him takes over."
Photo: Ricky Martin cavorts on the beach with a relative (or so his publicist said.)
