Keep Looking for the Right Guy - & Don’t Fear Rejection
As a professor of public speaking, I have come across more than my share of students who are terrified a the prospect of facing a crowd. The source of this fear usually stems from fear of rejection by an audience of their peers. They’re haunted by Images of children laughing at silly mistakes made in past speeches.
I try to reassure them by explaining that such images are residue from a far-off time, with an audience of children not adults. Most adult audiences, I add, are sympathetic to the speaker and only wish for success.
As a gay man slowly getting reacquainted with the dating scene following a failed relationship, I have to plead guilty to hardly being overly enthusiastic with putting myself out there for potentially more adversity and rejection. In my own interactions with potential suitors (or at least men of interest), I try to charm them, as it were, with a positive frame of mind and a clear purpose -- similar advice to what I give my students.
Staying positive in the gay dating scene isn’t exactly easy. In interviews with men for an upcoming book on the subject and concomitant work with the New York City Board of Health’s Gay Awareness Campaign, I often hear gay men express an as-yet unfulfilled desire for a long-term relationship. Typical remarks: "Gay men are fickle." Or, "it’s hard to find a guy who really wants a relationship."
So naturally, the question arises, why do many gay men have such a difficult time finding Mr. Right? Could it be that we are being just a little to picky in our criteria? One of the premises of my planned book is that that we are simply not satisfied with our potential choices until we find that "perfect guy." But at the same time, we all know the perfect guy doesn’t exist In this world. Hence, the disconnect between whom we see in our mind’s eye and who we see in the real world.