Entertainment » Theatre

Happy Mollydays

by Winnie McCroy
EDGE Editor
Monday Dec 24, 2012
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Andrea Alton stars in ’Happy Mollydays’
Andrea Alton stars in ’Happy Mollydays’  

Andrea Alton brought her nutty character Molly "Equality" Dykeman to the stage for the seasonal showcase, "Happy Mollydays," through Dec. 21 at the Laurie Beechman Theatre, complete with a rotating roster of special guest stars and the beautiful Mollettes.

I first encountered "Molly" at downtown personality Murray Hill’s Miss LEZ Pageant several years ago. In her orange crossing guard’s vest, with wild eyes and an even wilder mullet, she looked to me like someone’s deranged lesbian aunt hauled up from Queens and charged with monitoring security for the backstage entrance.

For the Christmas show, Molly bounced onstage in a festive Santa apron, with a special light-up crossing guard vest, singing "Walking in a Winter Wonderland." It being the evening of 12/21, the much-hyped End of the World, the crowd was limited to 17 people -- a fact that Molly did not fail to notice.

Throughout the course of the show, she reached out to her fans individually, noting, that, "Baby Jesus came to me in a dream, and said, ’I need you to do this show! Seventeen people need you to entertain them!" It didn’t hurt that she knew many of the guests by name, this critic among them.

Alton’s Molly is the essence of every disgusting, puerile lesbian stereotype condensed into one muff-diving, lazy-eyed, morally bereft character. That said, she is an utter delight.

Alton’s Molly is the essence of every disgusting, puerile lesbian stereotype condensed into one muff-diving, lazy-eyed, morally bereft character. That said, she is an utter delight, with her "Rizzoli & Isles"-esque Boston meets Queens accent, and her lazy way of punctuating her offensive statements with a drawn out, "Yeaaaahhh."

Molly presents a series of similarly themed "po-ems," most of which revolve around her trademark line, "I wanna stick my face in your vagina." The cleverest among them featured the lines, "I put my finger in it and it oozes warm, fiery hot. Nachos, I will love you and eat you until the day I die."

She brings to the stage a roster of guest stars, all of who looked as if they would rather not be there. Although the Dec. 8 showcase featured guest stars Michael Musto, Bambi Galore, Rick Younger and porn star Will Clark, the End of the World lineup brought stand-up comic Adam Sank to deliver a sad roster of Hannukah jokes, a decent, feather-shaking burlesque from Jubilee Diamond, some bawdy songs from Sabrina Chap and a hula-hooping Victoria Libertore as the only Liza Minnelli I’ve ever seen who failed to sing a single song.

In between these acts, Molly gives away prizes from Jacks 99¢ Store, recites her "po-ems," tells offensive anecdotes, leers at female audience members and performs twisted dances, her chunky legs flying out periodically in awkward side kicks.

It is this batshit-craziness that is the best part of Molly "Equality" Dykeman, and what this critic would like to see more of. The oddball charm of this character desperately begs to be developed. More backstory is needed, some rhyme behind the reason of her sandy-brown mullet and orange vest, and her endless quest to stick her face in as many vaginas as possible. Hopefully, the new year will bring us more of Molly to know, and more to love.

"Happy Mollydays" ran through Dec. 21 at the Laurie Beechman Theatre, 407 West 42nd St. For info about shows, visit 212-695-6909 or visit www.westbankcafe.com/beechman_theatre.html

Winnie McCroy is the Women on the EDGE Editor, HIV/Health Editor, and Assistant Entertainment Editor for EDGE Media Network, handling all women’s news, HIV health stories and theater reviews throughout the U.S. She has contributed to other publications, including The Village Voice, Gay City News, Chelsea Now and The Advocate, and lives in Brooklyn, New York, where she writes about local restaurants in her food blog, http://brooklyniscookin.blogspot.com/

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