Hedda Dishes Drag Race :: The Future of Drag
Hello gentle Americans. I think I hemorrhaged after watching last night episode of "RuPaul’s Drag Race." As I predicted, Madame LaQueer (the world’s premiere Kirstie Alley impersonator) was given the boot and Milan was victorious!
Watching Milan and Madame LaQueer lip-synch "For Your Life" left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Or was it that Latin fellow I entertained earlier that evening? Milan’s desperation was palpable. She pulled every trick out of her purse in order to avoid elimination; she would have pulled an old trick out of her ass if she could have. She did pull off her wig, making her look like an old school crack ho that used to roam the West Side Highway.
Now, this is not a racial statement; I have known many white, Spanish and Asian crack hos, so please don’t throw the race card out of me. I offend everyone equally.
Usually I find Wilam’s bragging persona extremely annoying. How many times do we need to hear her say, "I am a television actress. I have been on ’Sex In The City’." Personally I have never seen her on TV, but I don’t watch every TV show in existence. Does playing a dead crack ho on "CSI" mean you were on TV? See, she is white girl and she played a dead crack ho.
Wilam did say, "I don’t understand these girls who pull their wigs off," which I agree with completely. Unless your wig is on fire it should stay on your head. Even in that case I would keep it on, take out a cigarette, light it, and go on with the show. Milan even did a split and dragged her sorry tranny nut clusters across the stage. Perhaps she was giving herself a pap smear? All I know is there was a spill on aisle three and I would hate to be the girl who had to clean up that mess. Surely when the cameras stopped rolling they handed Madame LaQueer a mop.
The main challenge this week was sitcom acting and they even brought in the big guns: the creator of "WiIl & Grace," Max Mutchnick. The girls were separated into two groups, given a script about a women’s prison, and the leader of the group was asked to cast it and direct it. Was the sitcom named "Terrible Actresses With No Comedic Timing?"
For all his training as an actress Wilam came across as flat as Milan’s tits. Milan, who also claimed she is a trained actress, thought ’trained’ acting was saying her lines as she looked out into space. Perhaps she was having a vision?
The winner of the segment was none other than Latrice Royale. Having been in prison herself she took to the role like a crack ho takes a hit of crack (not a racial statement, my dears). Personally I love Latrice; she has been there and done that and comes across as extremely grounded and grateful. Hopefully she will win, but sadly she will not.
The winner of "RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4" will be none other than Sharon Kneedles. How do I know this? It just makes sense people that this time they let a white girl take the title.
Sharon boldly states she is the future of drag; that what she is doing is so innovative and fresh and that it is never been done before. My darling, it has been done many times before you and it has been done better.
If you are the future of drag I suggest every queen in the world drink cyanide-laced Kool Aid and fade into oblivion.
Or better yet, Sharon you should drink the Kool Aid and spare us all.
Stay fresh,
x
Hedda Lettuce
